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Have you always been a shy person? Have family members and friends have pointed out this quality about you? Most people find this an endearing quality, but when it comes to dating it can be a real obstacle. For shy people, talking to new people can be challenging. In the short-term, avoiding dating may feel like a big relief — like getting to play hooky from school! However, in the long term, continued avoidance can lead to an unhappy love life and can lead to loneliness, despair, and negative self-esteem. We hope that these tips help you get a date and enjoy it.
However, keep in mind that there is a difference between ordinary shyness and social anxiety. Social anxiety is a clinical condition marked by 1 fear of negative evaluation by others, 2 avoidance of social settings often large settings but sometimes small too , and 3 difficulty with intimacy. If you think you have social anxiety, we recommend that you seek professional treatment and at the Manhattan Center for CBT. Otherwise, happy dating! Address. Greene, Ph. Helpful Tips from a Psychologist. Which list wins? Do items on one list carry more weight than the other? Practice confidence while asking someone out by standing tall, smiling, and speaking clearly.
These are all nonverbal s that convey confidence. You might even find that practicing these steps may actually increase confidence! Handle rejection carefully. If you get turned down for a date, consider carefully why that is. Pick a date activity ahead of time. Instead, try planning an engrossing activity for a date. Examples include wine tasting, blueberry picking in the summer months, horse-riding, or attending a cooking class.
These activities and others can allow you to focus your attention on the activity at hand while still allowing some time for good conversation. Often, shyness and discomfort increase when our focus is on ourselves — our own thoughts, insecurities, appearance. Shifting your focus to your date and the conversation can help you feel more present and engaged.
Catch yourself mind reading. Do we really know what the other person is thinking of us or are we just guessing? Mindreading is often inaccurate and quite distracting. Practice an easy manner with some sense of humor. Dating while feeling shy can feel intimidating and demanding! Try to break the tension with yourself by smiling, walking leisurely, sitting laidback and comfortably, and cracking a joke or two. Just be careful not to overdo the jokes. Address Subscribe. Related posts from manhattanCBT.
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Dating Tips for Shy Guys: Own (Don’t Overcome) Your Shyness