Added: Shomari Mckittrick - Date: 09.09.2021 12:36 - Views: 12561 - Clicks: 3610
The funny thing about labels is, when you need them the most is when you probably aren't in the right relationship or, er, relationship-like thing. I say this with confidence, because in my worst, must unstable, unhappy disappointing entanglements, I was DYING to label the relationship and lock things down.
That's in stark contrast to the situation I'm in with the dude I've been seeing lately, who is a nice guy , and who I was totally who I was writing about here hey, boo! We kind of progressed from acquaintances, to friends, to dating, but without really talking about what was going on with us.
Things have just been When you're not worried somebody's interested in other people or going to disappear on you, labeling what you're doing doesn't feel super-urgent. I'm not worried he's going anywhere, I don't care if he sees other people because I know he's not, and probably won't , and we sort of have an unspoken agreement to hang out a lot anyway. But then my birthday came around, and he got me a big -ish present, and the question presented itself: are we, like together? It's not the cool girl thing to do to push a discussion, but, I feel pretty safe in this thing, so, I nudged.
He gave a fantastic and chill answer. Announcing to the world that you're A Thing actually, just announcing this to yourself is enough can put a lot of pressure on the two of you. I consulted a few friends, and, while my commitment-phobia seems to be par for the course, ring on it too soon seems to be problematic for most people. When you're "dating" officially, the bar goes up a few notches. Whereas before their clothing choices didn't really have anything to do with you, now you're eying their ripped jeans like, "Am I the type of person who dates people who wear ripped jeans?
Before, it was purely on a "what we feel like doing" basis. Now you're wondering if not holding their hand is a bad , or whether wanting to go home by yourself is hurtful. You know how when something falls in your lap, like free tickets to a baseball game, you're like, oh shit! Free tickets, cool! But when you pay for tickets, you're like, "Nosebleed section? Ew, what is this. Also I wanted Yankees not Mets. My guy friend is a fan of labels generally "Honestly, I think it is a good idea because it prevents people from waffling and wasting their time.
You don't have the information to apply a label. You could start off super attracted to someone, but realize after a month that you're not compatible enough to boyfriend-up but maybe want to keep them as a friend with benefits. It's a lot harder to switch to that track after you'd already labeled yourselves as "together. The fastest way to get a crowd of people all up in your business is to tell them you have a new S. Totally normal to get nervous about relationship lock down, and not a of doom, necessarily.
But if you're prematurely labeled up and have to formally ask to get some alone time, you could be messing things up before they've even had a real chance. When you're label-less, you can take a few days off from someone, realize you miss them, and get back to hanging out without any hurt feelings or unnecessary waves. Calling someone your boo and starting to shut off other options right away can make you a little too invested in something that might not be the best fit for you.
Labelling-up somebody before you've gotten to know them is a self-fulfilling prophesy—so tread carefully when rushing to call someone "bae. My guy friend who's into meditation had a Zen approach to labels. You label something, and you now have an image or images which may or may not reflect reality. I think where it becomes dangerous is when people forget that it's a label that reality may not be consistent with what that label is associated with. Like if I'm your girlfriend, does that mean I have to support you all the time because that's what I see in the movies? That's where I think communication is key— not letting the label drive the dynamics of the relationship.
If you take things as they are, you'll have a better time. Of course, you may want to eventually shoot higher with your relationships than "accepting things as they are," but if things are already good Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way , which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud . Images: Pixabay , Giphy. By Cathy Vandewater.Dating without a label
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Learning to Love without Labels