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This is offensive to us as romantically inclined humans, terribly offensive, which is why Thursday's New York Post article on the subject, responding after the story of "dating spreheet guy" appeared on Dealbreaker , Depin, and Jezebel , carries with it the home headline "What a Creep. If you haven't read the story, the brief run-down is this. An investment banker was dating a bunch of women he'd met on Match. He was also dating some women he'd met after being introduced through friends or family. You'd imagine, if ever he'd focused on one of these women, he wouldn't have had to do this.
His biggest mistake, however, along with being an investment banker the trendy occupation to hate-love to hear such tales about, was sending the spreheet to one of his dates. David Li and Jeane Macintosh, who've written the story in the Post , explain of the spreheet:. The spreheet shows the meticulous records that David Merkur, 28, kept on each of the girls — eight of whom he met on Match.
Merkur, while apparently a bit douchey, also was somewhat complimentary: "None of the ladies scores lower than 7 in the appearance category. His system was exposed after an April 4 date at the Rose Bar with a year-old brunette stunner named Arielle. Obviously it was a mistake. Arielle of course passed on the spreheet—a dating spreheet is too good not to pass on—and now, Merkur is in the Post, with his apologies, and done on Match.
He's also fodder for the entertainment and outrage of the Internet, inspiring ensuing Post op-eds like "Real men can close the deal without opening Excel," op-eds clearly part of the problem rather than the solution—if we're going to judge a spreheet, let's judge the term "deal-closing. Who's to say that a spreheet is inherently bad?
A common sentiment we hear in response to such stories—remember the girl who was fishing, essentially, for free dinners via Match. She had a spreheet too! Fair point: It's awful to send your spreheet to your date or dates. It's also not recommended in terms of accomplishing further dates, and if that needs an explanation, you'll probably die single. But it's not like "keeping track" in some physical form is a bad thing. People can date however they want to date, including more than one person at a time—they often do—until they agree they're not.
And if a spreheet helps you remember someone's name, or what you did the last time you were together, so be it. The bad thing is acknowledging, to the Post and your mom and dad and your dates and God, and anyone else who might judge you for it, that you're keeping this spreheet. A spreheet-keeping woman in her 30s who at one point was dating 5 to 10 guys at a time had this to say:.
That said, in the same way we don't show rough drafts of the final manuscript, or reveal game plans on national broadcast sporting events, the spreheet definitely should be confidential and not shared with others, especially dates!
It is a tool to stay organized and make level-headed dating decisions when online dating, when you might be texting, chatting with, calling, having coffee with, having drinks with, or otherwise communicating with as many as 3 to 10 people at a time Our source kept information including names, ages, schools, recent correspondence, dates or future dates, prior relationship status—if ever married, if he has kids, etc. She also included addresses, phone s, and "red flags" that could be deal-breakers "to keep organized and objective about things where possible. As for Merkur's spreheet, she remarked, "Because he is a guy, he had a whole photo evaluation and hotness ranking system, which to me is a waste of time, because as soon as you meet in person you will know how attractive you find them.
In terms of romance, we are hopelessly hypocritical. While we know books like The Game and The Rules exist, we also really don't like thinking that the people we're dating are doing any of that sort of thinking at all. We want people to go in without the complications that make them human, the petty desires and shallow needs and manipulations, and to fall hopelessly, madly, non-spreheetedly in love, and to forget about all else assuming we feel the same way—if not, they're creepy. The spreheet brings us back to a reality in which people are more complicated, have more complicated lives, and maybe, have motivations other than simply wooing one particular person purely.
But the idea that love is not, in some ways, "business," or at least, is more than simple, pure feelings emanating from our perfect, pure hearts, well, that's an idea that the movies want us to believe. There is more to it than that—as the self-help relationship books illustrate, everybody's angling for something. This guy's "game" failed because it was nerdy, because he did it the wrong way, because he told the wrong people. But if a spreheet helps, let daters have the spreheet. But, yeah, don't forward it to anyone. That's just dumb.
Popular Latest. The Atlantic Crossword. In Subscribe. This article is from the archive of our partner. Over drinks, Merkur told her about his spreheet. Arielle asked to see it — and he e-mailed it to her. This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.Investment banker dating spreadsheet
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David Merkur dating spreheet: How one cdbox.eu online dater keeps track of girlfriends